Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
