Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
