So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
