who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
it's like iHOP with fire
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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