Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
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