She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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