I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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