he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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