Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
