Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
