tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
