beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
