sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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