So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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