this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
