I bet he comes in French.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
