I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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