I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
