First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
