I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
