I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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