So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
