if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
