That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
