She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
