There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
