Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
