No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
you had me at cake vodka
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I want a musical about memes.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
