Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
