only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
