porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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