I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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