The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
