I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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