Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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