I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
