Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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