im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
