What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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