hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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