I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize