Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
