wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
