I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
