I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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