I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
This is classic penis vs brain.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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