Where did you get a picture of my penis
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Randomize
