Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
