Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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