umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
