he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
