even my farts smell like vagina
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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