Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
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I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
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I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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