I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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