I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
