he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
