i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
