can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
