Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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