I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
