Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
