Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
