why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Are we still banned from the library?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize