I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
