Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
