do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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