i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Randomize
