How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
