Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
