Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
