Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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