Dual....:-)
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
